Dad, how do you talk to your wayward child?
I looked up the definition for “fatherhood” in the Oxford Dictionary and discovered it was located between the words “fathead” and “fatigue”. I wonder if the Oxford Dictionary made a Freudian slip?
I once read of a father who was complaining he was tired. He blamed it on his age, blood pressure, and lack of exercise. But he said he discovered it wasn’t any of these things. He was tired because he was over-worked. The way he figured it (note that these numbers are from 2017):
-
The population of our country is just over 30 million.
-
7 million are retired.
-
That leaves 23 million to do the work.
-
There are 18 million in school and college.
-
That leaves 5 million to do the work
-
2 million are unemployed and 2 million are employed by the government.
-
That leaves 1 million to do the work.
-
100,000 are in the armed forces, leaving 900,000 to do the work.
-
There are 620,000 people in hospital and 279,998 in prison.
-
That leaves 2 people to do the work.
You and me.
Some days I can empathize with this dad. In a Faith at Home study a few years ago, fathers indicated that the top three reasons they struggle to live out their faith at home were:
-
Time and busyness: 24.7% of fathers indicated they were not really present when present at home
-
Lack of self-discipline: 12.6% of fathers admitted doing little faith modeling at home
-
Fatigue: 11.4% of fathers said they’re exhausted and go home to hide and rest
Dads need to be reminded of their critical role in the spiritual formation of their children. Study after study highlights the pivotal role fathers play in passing the faith on to their children.
In 1994, a Swiss survey discovered the critical factors when a person’s religion carried through to the next generation. The religious practice of the father was identified above all other factors. A LifeWay study concluded that if a child is the first person to become a Christian, there is a 3.5% probability that everyone else in the household will follow. If the mother is first, there is a 17% probability. But if a father is the first person in a household to become a Christian there is a 93% probability that everyone else in the household will follow.
Fathers are critical to their children’s spiritual formation. And what they say, the words they choose to use each day, is critical to successful spiritual formation.
They say there are 800,000 words in the English language. The average person uses 5,000 words a day. Some wives would love to get a couple hundred words from their husband on a typical day. But that’s for another weekly blog. The fact is:
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)
Fathers choose every day what words they will use with their kids. It matters!
Talking to a Wayward Child
What kind of words should be used when talking to a wayward son or daughter? Listen to Job 6:14 (KJV): “A despairing man should have the kindness of his friend, even if he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”
The Bible is saying, if you have a child who is struggling spiritually, asking “Where is God?”, “Does God care?” or “Does God exist?”, what do they need in that moment? They do not need a father to turn on them because of their doubt, rebellion, and lack of loyalty. The Bible says they need to hear warm and sympathetic words.
Sometimes our kids are so beaten down by life it’s too hard to look up to God.
In that moment they need a word of encouragement, even sympathy. Words are a powerful tool to draw people back. We tend to be tough on a wayward son, when Jude 1:22 (Message) says: “Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith.”
Dad, remember the Old Testament story of the tower of Babel, a building project that God stopped because of humanity’s pride? The Bible tells us, “God opposes the proud” James 4:6 NIV). God stopped the project by removing their most powerful tool. Not their hammers or chisels or saws, but their words. Or, more specifically, their ability to understand each other’s words.
Dads can use words to build up or tear down.
As Father’s Day approaches, let’s all be reminded once again of the power dads have to change the course of their child’s life. Just the choice of words we choose to use makes a huge difference.
If you’ve owned a house for ten years you understand appreciation. And if you’ve owned a car for ten years you understand depreciation. Every time a dad “appreciates” his child, he adds value to him or her — we raise their value! A Christian father’s job is to help his kids recognize their supreme value in Christ.